The Big “I’m fine” Lie

Hello everyone! Today I’m going to write about a very hard topic: therapy. I know, it’s not easy and I’m probably going to regret it the minute I start writing about it, but I’m going to do my best.

Disclaimer: I’m not a therapist and I’m not a professional in the mental health field. These are just my thoughts about therapy as someone that did therapy for 2 years when I was younger. If you need help please contact a professional specialized in mental health and do not take this post as professional advice.

I’m writing this for me and for all of you. This is for every single one of you that are feeling lost but doesn’t want to get help. Or maybe think that they can handle it on their own, they think: “I’m fine”.

Why did I decide I needed therapy? Because I couldn’t take it anymore. Because I reached a point where everything made me cry because I was really overwhelmed. I spend a lot of time thinking that I didn’t need therapy, that I was ok because I was able to shove every single thing that I was feeling inside a trunk in the back of my head. I was able to do that in order to try to function properly and take care of the various matters that I had to take care of.

I used to think that doing that worked. I used to think that I was going to pull it off. If I did not have the time to deal with it, then I shouldn’t worry about it because I had more important things to do. I couldn’t waste time feeling bad for myself, I couldn’t waste time thinking why something hurt me, why I was feeling mad. It was better to just shove it in the trunk.

But I was wrong. I was definitely wrong. I reached a point where I was feeling angry and I didn’t know why. I was feeling sad and I didn’t know why. This “famous trunk” was a lie and everything that I was shoving in the back of my head was affecting every single aspect of my life. I was getting mad at my boyfriend for things that weren’t really important. I was getting really sad and crying over things that shouldn’t be making me cry. This was me, dealing with a lot of things that were coming at me while I was pretending that they didn’t exist.

And this wasn’t fair, this wasn’t fair neither for me or for my boyfriend and I needed to fix that because it was affecting every healthy and good aspect of my life. I wasn’t able to enjoy things and I was only tricking myself into thinking I was doing something good for myself while I was actually destroying myself. I kept telling myself I was fine while deep inside I knew that was a big lie.

And that was when it hit me: With this new year coming and with a lot of new beginnings and a lot of things coming to an end: I needed closure. I needed to properly let go of all the things that had been harming me for a long time. I needed to learn from my experiences and I needed to see where I had gone wrong during the past couple of years so I didn’t make the same mistakes in the future. I needed help from a professional, someone that would not be afraid to tell me what I did wrong.

And that’s what I did, the minute the year started I talked to a professional and I set an appointment. I was done trying to fix everything by myself and thinking that I didn’t need anyone.

So, this is my story. This is why I decided to start therapy after so long. I wanted to write about it because I needed to get it out of my chest AND I wanted to share it with you because maybe some of you are going through the same. Maybe you too are trying to shove everything into a trunk and maybe you think it’s working. I’m here because maybe reading this could help you and you can start feeling better. Like I said, I’m not a professional so don’t take this as professional advice. I’m just talking about my personal experience.

Did something like this happen to you? Do you have a big trunk in the back of your head? What did you do to fix your problems? I would love to know, so please leave me a comment in the comment section below! Thank you for reading this post, I really appreciate it. And if you are not following my blog but you would like to get a notification every time I post a new entry please feel free to click the “Follow” button on the right! Thank you so much for your time, I hope I see you next time… Bye!

-L.S.


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